Illnesses can be an odd thing sometimes, so I apologize for this likely insane ramble.
It seems like I have been sick for a long time, but I guess it was one thing that weakened my immune system and then something lingering invaded as well. While I am finally starting to feel better bit by bit, I still tire easily and seem to be plagued and gifted with a few side effects.
Lately, my sense of smell has been returning and it feels like it's ten times stronger if not more depressingly picky. I cannot stand the smell of a lot of things that I used to like to eat, everything just smells like it is tainted unless it's a vegetable really. For the past few days I have taken to eating plain pasta with olive oil and parmesan, but even that smells rancid like it will kill me or something. It's very difficult to even put it in my mouth but I can keep it down. The only things that do not tend to offend my poor nose and result in me resisting the urge to cover my nose and mouth and run to the restroom are vegetables, some crackers, and some breads. This does actually help with my appetite though. For a long time I never realized how much I ate, and this has really pounded into me how much I used to eat and how much food my system actually needs to be healthy. If you have ever had to choke down something that your body thinks will kill you, you might understand how that feels! lol
Last night was a challenge: There was a fund raiser dinner last night (that one of my bosses helps organize every year) and I was a volunteer there. Initially -- from long before I became ill -- I was supposed to be the "lead" server and walk around singing/leading carols. My lungs choose to not cooperate with this job and neither did my stamina so I was assigned to "back of house" where I was supposed to just fill pitchers with ice & water as well as take care of making coffee. Well, that didn't exactly happen either. Somehow I ended up being one of the cooks/food preps (meaning I was the one placing food on the plate and making it look pretty). To say that I was uncomfortable all night is putting it mildly.
Due to my surprise position in the kitchen for the evening, I tried very hard to not breathe through my nose but that didn't help much. After a couple of minutes it was like I could smell and taste the scents of the food... with my mouth. It was very bizarre to say the least and I can only hope that I didn't look like I thought all the food was horrible while I artfully went around placing delicately curling piles of cucumber and carrots on plates, or zucchini spears precariously balanced on steak, crab and risotto. I don't really know how to explain it I suppose, but it was sort of like tasting a room just by breathing... and it tasted like death on a hot plate. =^-_-^= (At least the zucchini was tasty).
And at least I had the chance to escape the kitchen and cool off in the servers room every once in a while.
I can't say that my capability of hearing has changed much unless I am just insanely in tune or familiar with my surroundings. Hah, I rely on my selective hearing too much I suppose because I could swear that I am half deaf most days from all my time spent wearing headphones. My eyesight has become a little bit better since I have not been on my computer so much. I really hadn't noticed how stressed out my eyes were until I was in the car with Beau driving and I realized that once again while we zoomed around town I could pick out individual leaves and details on plants and buildings that have been just a blur for the past year or three. So it's nice to be able to see things like I used to again; however, I don't know if this really applies to night time. I wish it would, it's very limiting to be unable to drive in the dark safely. As things stand now, any light directed where I am in the car threatens a blinding headache, and my sense of depth and color are horrible at night.
My reaction to being touched lately has been weird too. It's like my skin is incredibly sensitive. While we're in bed, if Beau nudges my foot or pets me to help me fall asleep it's like a ticklish, sharp, static shock. The fabrics of the clothing I wear seems more... intense? Or at least more noticeable to me. What I hate though is when I meet someone new, there is the social obligation to shake hands. It's like I can feel every god damned detail in their hands: not just the calluses or scars, but the usually imperceptible ridges and lines in hands that make all of us humans unique. And it's even worse if they have dry hands, or "workers" hands. My skin practically crawls and the hair on the back of my neck and arms stands on end while I try not to grind my teeth. And everyone else's skin is so much warmer than mine which makes them ask me if I am "OK". I hate that.
I hate that so much, even if it isn't just because I run a few degrees colder than everyone else in the world (last doctors visit I was an awesome 92.7 degrees and I thought the doctor was going to freak out when I told her I am almost always cold like that at check ups and that if I am ever much warmer than that I can feel it in a bad way). Chances are I probably look like hell most days. LMAO There was someone that came in from the Redcross at the beginning of the week handing out fliers for a blood drive going on and she actually gasped when she looked at me and took a few steps back before edgily handing me the flier and saying that I looked like I needed blood more than I could give it. I could have sworn that she was going to cross herself when she said that too. And here I thought that I was the crazy one... even if the person crazier than me made me feel like some freak of nature or zombie.
I think my skin could just be in hyper sensitive mode since it's winter.
Anyway... aside from being sick and my different senses being strange, I have been reading a lot lately and sleeping probably nearly as much with the kitties trying to keep me warm. :3
It's actually a little bit sad and funny at the same time since both Misha and Sierpi love to be snuggled and pet, but they both seem to be terrified of Beau. Well, at least Misha mostly tolerates Beau (most of the time). He just wants to snuggle, pet and play with them and they usually flee in terror, look annoyed or hide next to me mistakenly thinking I will protect them. lol
Aside from that, Solstice / Christmas is quickly approaching and I have no idea what to get anyone for presents. Usually my mom has some books or magazines that she wants that I can get for her but she has a huge amount of in-store credit with Powell's and nothing really on her list that she wants for once. Beau hasn't given me even a hint of what he wants and neither has most of his family. Fortunately we have his sister covered and my father mostly covered. Aside from that we just need something for Paul, Jess and Josh. =^>.o^= Again, not even a hint of what they would like. It isn't like I don't see things they would like... but when I do see something I think they will like I tell myself to remember what it was so I can tell Beau later... only to entirely forget about it. *rolls eyes*
Anyway, this has been a tremendous ramble for my normally silent blog. Again, my apologies for letting my fretful insanity out.
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