Rawr pictures!

Beau! Post pictures from vacation or share them with me! lol

Love you!

=^e.e^=

Edit:

=^v.v^=;;; Apparently I hit something and my friends list disappeared entirely... bah!

Life In General

I know, as usual I am lacking in the post department but I have not been inspired to write -- anything -- in almost a month now.  Even less inspired to blog something over a longer period, but maybe blogging my disjointed thought process will help get my creative juices flowing again.

It would be very nice if I could climb over the deceptive mountain in my path for writing.  I have tried so many different things in terms of ideas and perspectives to write from, but something always happens to make what I am working on... not work and I am very frustrated about this.  There is a story in my head, but the time and place for where to start it is killing me creatively.

Lately, I have read the blogs of my friends and loved ones about happy memories, how life changes and how our priorities change with it (as well as the feelings that go with it).   While these things often cause a feeling of depression and despair about mentally being able to hold on to the "good times" that everyone has had in the past, I am somewhat disheartened that no one seems to look forward to the future.  It simply seems like everyone is still clinging to the past; as if there is nothing to be happy about for the rest of their lives or as if people cannot be happy or thankful for the good fortunes that they have even now.

True, Beau and I are not in the best financial situation on earth, but we are more fortunate than some people.  Work is slim in this area, and as I once again log in to Worksource and scour the Daily A for want ads, things are looking just a little bit worse than before.  There is an want ad for an "experienced" waitress that I missed yesterday on Worksource, and it wants someone with three years experience.  I know that I do not qualify, yet I will send in a resume and application despite the requirement since they chose to freely give out the contact information.  Most companies are smarter than this place, unless this particular hotel & spa was hoping for a flood of resumes. Nothing else new has been posted in a week though, and tourist season has officially begun.

This isn't so bad though.  Perhaps it is the endorphins from this mornings work out, or maybe I am just a tiny bit more crazy today then the day before.  Still, it isn't so bad.  I have the person I love to share my problems with, to spend my time with.  There is a good home (where I desperately spend most of my time in an attempt to keep myself from spending money and staying on a healthier diet) environment for us.  Also, I have my strange cats to keep me company during the days in this oddly complacent and quiet little community.  Life is -- in general -- calm despite the slue of expenditures that have piled up over the past couple of months: washer & dryer, Duck tickets, car parts, new suits, lawn mower parts, etc.

As some people may have heard, we bought a new High Efficiency washer and dryer.  Beau was not the only one astounded at the lack of noise that both machines made.  We also discovered the joy of fabric softener and bleach/color protection depending on the load which has been at least a little bit amusing.  One of my favorite comforters that I have had for years now is a Hello Kitty comforter (garishly pink and white, I assure you).  That thing was so old I did not expect it to be soft by any means, but it had always been comfortable and warm to me.  Now though, the fabric softener has made it soft and even more comfortable.  So comfortable that I steal it at night when both of us are sleeping and find myself wrapped up and hogging it all come morning.

True, there was a time when I would have balked at the idea of a new washer and dryer being an exciting buy, but not anymore.  As I have begun to accept that I am aging, I realize what "tools" we use to make ourselves comfortable in life.  Buying something comfortable or to make our lives easier has become exciting to me.  Not exciting in an 'Price Is Right - Showcase Showdown' winner sort of way, but the excitement of knowing that yes, we are adults and we know what we want/need to smooth the path before us.  A calm-excitement if you will, that only deepens my confidence in life as a relaxed individual.

Perhaps something that also comes with age is the unwinding of being high-strung.  I know that I am still easily stressed out (not holding a job stresses me out a great deal as does a cat still recovering from nerve damage), but I don't believe that I am nearly as bad as I was before.  The exercise regimen is probably helping with this as well as our upcoming trip to Hawaii.

With the quickly approaching vacation, I have gone into super exercise-diet mode.  I seem to go through phases where I exercise "normally" but then become sick after about 3-4 weeks and fall off the healthy living track which has landed me at a steady, size 12 waist.  My body is in even more pain after one of those derailings which makes it even more difficult for me to convince myself that I should work out again.  There was a good 2-3 weeks where my lower back and hip would spasm constantly throughout the day no matter how much I stretched and I am pretty certain now that it was just because of the lack of exercise.  Since I have started my regimen again,  I haven't had a day filled with back and hip spasms:  an abundance of sore and tired muscles, yes, but sore in a good way.  The exercise has also assisted me in consuming fewer calories.  I do not know why this is the case -- and honestly I don't care except for that it somehow helps me -- but I am simply not nearly as hungry when I work out.  Also, I do not crave as many sweets/salty snacks.  I sat here in front of the lap top for most of the day yesterday with an open bag of home made, chocolate chip cookies.  The smell of sacrin goodness wafting out of the bag whenever I would shift or stretch, unintentionally moving the table.  But I just didn't want one until much later in the day, and that One was almost over kill.  I think I practically chugged down the rest of my nalgene of water and a glass of milk after slowly nibbling my way for an hour through a single cookie.

This is such a huge improvement.  There used to be a time not even a year ago when I could eat an entire pan of my triple chocolate, super moist & rich brownies in less then a day.  I don't think I could do that now, and I probably shouldn't be surprised when I see someone else that can do that (but I am).  It isn't a willing reaction, this surprise.  It's more like my brain has forgotten what tortures my body was capable of handling in a dietary manner; and as such, surprise ensues from witnessing someone else enjoy tasty treats like I used to.

Over the past three days, I have really been enjoying working out and this mornings change in DVD's was really fantastic.  Beau thinks that the DVD's that I have are silly, and they really are if you're watching someone else do it or are extremely self-concious.  But they are fabulous for me.  Having grown up doing dance, gymnastics, volley ball (and an assortment art and music), this is something that really appeals to me.  I also really get into it which is nice so I don't realize how pleasantly exhausted I am until I am stretching out on the floor.  As I was saying though, the DVD that I used today was a nice change to switch things up and I can understand the necessity for it so I don't hit another plateau like I did when I hit my size 12 waist (for a few months I was up to a size 16 after we moved out here and my body was so heavy that I HAD to do something or I thought my back would tear itself apart from the weight of my chest).  So today, I did the sculpting and strength training for an hour.

Since I have no weights aside from the gloves I use for my aerobic work outs (which, honestly I could and should have used today... maybe.  I thought that I was weaker than I am), I decided to do this work out for the first time with no added weight at all.  This particular DVD brought back the mental and muscular memories of warm ups and workouts from my days of doing dance and gymnastics, and I felt even better about myself when I realize that my legs were not entirely lost even after eight years of not dancing.  (That's right, for those of you that didn't know, I was still taking dance classes for my first 2-3 years at the UO).  Still, without the glove-weights on, that was quite a work out.  I went as full-out as I could and was feeling fantastic, exhausted and sweating -- which is a rarity for me despite the amount of liquids I consume in a day -- after an hour.  I may or may not try the added weight next time, because lifting my own considerable weight seems a good step for now (it does not look like it to a lot of people, but currently I weigh in around 185 lbs, most of which is still fat, but I actually gained some muscle weight. Hehe, I never thought I would be able to say again that I gained weight in a positive way).  We'll see though.  With my current rotation of two days aerobics and one day sculpting and weight training, I might lose enough flab and gain enough energy and muscle to use the gloves without killing myself.  I certainly hope this is the case.

Right now, my goal is to loose enough flab and gain enough energy to go down one more pant size (and a bra size I hope!) before the Hawaii trip.  It would be nice to have enough energy to go do the touristy things that I love to do and then play in the ocean for a bit.  I want to go on some hikes while there and I do not want to be out of breath five to ten minutes in.  This doesn't seem like a very big goal, and it really isn't in my mind, so maybe I will surpass it!

In other rambling news, Sierpi has been improving slowly but steadily.  While we slept last night, there were only two "accidents" that were "expected"; however, one of the cats seems to have been sick all night long.  I wasn't very pleased to have to roam the house picking up cat vomit before my work out.; however, I was happy that -- for once -- my stomach staid where it should have when doing something like this.  It is apparently not always a bad thing to have a cat recovering from nerve damage that helps control her bodily functions I say!  Maybe I will eventually be able to stop gagging at certain smells, sounds, sites and... textures that are easily felt through toilet paper.  Still, I don't know which kitty was ill, and both seem to be fine now so I will not worry about it.

I think I may be allergic to holidays, not my family

(Sorry in advance for typos)

Ok, so every year my mother teases me and claims that I am allergic to my family (which is the reason I am sick almost every holiday in her opinion)... I claim that I am just allergic to holidays in general.

This year, Beau and I got to/were stuck at home for Christmas due to the lovely winter weather that has hit our area en force. I thought it was a very calm and good holiday, and it was fantastic to just spend it at home. Beau missed his family though and I am sad that he didn't get to see his family on Christmas (we will go see them this weekend though -- weather permitting). There was tasty prime rib (thank you honey for cooking!), snuggles, nap time and hilarity watching kitties that were doped up on catnip!

And despite all that, I still felt like crap. =^>.<^= I had a horrendous headache all day and had a bloody nose a couple of times. (At least I didn't complain about it that I can remember =/). Beau took a good sized nap on the couch and I passed out for a couple of hours in his chair while he was playing the game I got him.

Let's see, Beau got me these spiffy, fingerless/convertible gloves/mittens that I am wearing right now (since the office is freezing), he also got me a Bejewelled game which I like but was a little confusing at first. lol It's a little strange to have to think in circular patterns with a puzzle game but I like it. He also got me the new wrist support/rest for my mouse that I wanted (those things are so damn fun to poke and play with!), and he picked up a WoW book which looks like it will be entertaining to read.

Rather than writing yesterday, I took the day off and played WoW with my friends. That was rather good for my head I think. I had been stressing about what I wanted to happen next and if I wanted to just leave one story line where it was and pick up another until I got over my writers block. My brain came up with something though while I was busy smite spamming some poor "Loot Crazed" hunter in the Borean Tundra... in Northrend on the planet of Azeroth D: (I am way too ... I don't know what but I shouldn't remember what I was killing let alone the specific area I was in. =^-_-^= )

Anyway, I had a writers block break through and that made me relax a bit. Now... if only this cruel headache would go away. Although I would be ecstatic if I could go home early, wrap presents for my parents, get packed up and ready for the trek to Portland tomorrow (if we are even going). I'ld say that we should leave tonight, but I don't think we would be able to get over even on 30 due to ice on the roads. It was bad enough for me trying to get to work this morning with a good yard of ice between my parked car and the driveable section of the street. =^>.<^= Beau came out in pj's though and got my car out so I could go to work (I'm glad that I got to go in though, I would have felt bad for Steve if he had to be in the office all by himself today. Kent apparently broke his wrist when he slipped on some ice and is driving all the way to Vancouver today to see an orthopedic surgeon -- since apparently the one that Astoria/Seaside hired quit after a month and went back to Arizona. LJ is out sick and Kim has the day off so she can spend a belated Chirstmas with her family. Deb came in though... and Deb is simply awesome even though she is on the phone all day long with her clients lol. <3>

So this weekend, Beau and I are going to Portland to visit our families... and I just know that my father is going to throw a hissy fit. Why will he throw one? Well:

1. He wants us to come in tonight
2. He will be gone for part of the afternoon on both Saturday and Sunday
3. Beau's family's gift-exchange party is Saturday night which means....
4. I will see dad for maybe an hour on Sunday which means

.... a tantrum. Personally, I don't think I want to go in at all this weekend since Beau wants us to caravan in so he can stay in Portland and I can drive back. With the roads still icy and my not being able to see at night, I am less than thrilled. I may need to talk with Beau and work something else out because seriously... I really want a drama-free fucking holiday and that isn't going to be the case if I go in this weekend.

It isn't that I don't love my family, I just don't love the drama production that goes on. Ever since I was little -- my family is insane by the way -- Christmas/Solstice/New Years/Thanks Giving/Easter/Halloween/etc has been nothing but stress for various reasons (like procrastiantion, drama, everything has to be perfect, the lack of feeling like just being present and spending time with my family is enough for them..., etc). Now why is my family insane? Because my father is a Catholic-Buddhist (yeah, that's right... Catholic + Buddhism = dad) while my mother is Wicca-Taoist (and people wonder why I'm crazy).

I think my family celebrates almost every holdiay known to man aside from the Jewish holidays (which sometimes sound like a lot better holidays than others)! Anyway, it's just a huge production every year and it makes me think that my father is the holiday-nazi. He tries really hard to provide a happy holiday for everyone... he just goes overboard on a regular basis and makes everything stressful instead. I suppose that really isn't that bad, he could be all super christian and be completely intolerant of all other people and religions which would be much worse. =^>.>^=; I'll just stop griping now and look forward to seeing my family lol.

Maybe I really am allergic to my families -- just more so on the holidays than usual. Actually... make that I am allergic to drama from my family and it's worse around the holidays.

I really didn't mean for this to end on a note like this, but oh well... I'm just rambling now to fill the empty time at work while I am by myself lol.

Writers block ramble #1

It's been another difficult night of writing. At least I did get a little bit of writing done. When I finally got to sit down at my machine I really wanted to talk to Sarah and Emily but neither were anywhere to be found. =^>.<^=

...So I sat and stared at an empty page for almost an hour. Eventually I pushed out three paragraphs and then what I had fizzled out on me which is doubly more frustrating since my head was buzzing all day and dying to get home so I could write.

On a side note, a few of songs for my writing playlist. They are not in any particular order right now but eventually I will put them in an order as the playlist develops into separate play lists for each individual story or character

1.Sing for Absolution - Muse (Gabriel)
2.Dark Blue - Jacks Mannequin (Judas)
3.Here With Me - Dido (Liana)
4.The Truth About Heaven - Armor for Sleep (Liana)
5.Rest in Pieces - Saliva (Judas)
6.Point of Extinction - Motion City Soundtrack (Joseph )
7.Chase This Light - Jimmy Eat World (August)
8.Will I - Rent (Helen)
9.Imaginary - Evanescence (Helen)
10. I Dreamed a Dream - Le Miserable (Helen's mother)

Now before Sarah can glower at me, I just have not run across a song that fits Sitara at this point in time. Strange -- I know -- since the first perspective is hers. Like I said though, some of these will be moved to other "perspective" playlists as the list develops more.

Actually, half the songs in the current playlist don't even belong in this story line. lol

OK, now I am just sleepily rambling. =^-_-^=

Thank you, Honey!

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to my other -- very tolerant -- half for pointing out how to make a PDF file. =^>.>^=

Thank you! <3

Aside from that, writing is still going all right. The night before last night, I had the hardest time writing. I sat there and went through editing and polishing what I had written the night before that. Last night though, I actually managed to drag out a few pages and got myself back on track.

My current -- mighty two -- pre-readers (one of which knows the background of what is going on and the other doesn't) have become fangirls after only 3.5 chapters. One of them really loves the character that the current perspective is being written from, the other one is a Helen fangirl like me and is harassing me to write a perspective of Helen.

That's a tall order since she IS supposed to be a supporting character (highlight below for quasi spoiler).
You see, Helen has a much shorter life span compared to most of the other characters in the story, AND there is a relatively lengthy amount of time before she comes back in to the story. Sure, I could write a short story on why she is the way she is, and maybe I will. I don't know yet if I want to include the entirity of Helen's story inside Sitara's story.
Anyway... /end spoiler ramble

The other thing that amused me last night was the conversation that came up about how my readers think that the current main character looks. I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised since everyone has they own concepts of beauty, but their opinions were different then what I envisioned in my own mind. OF COURSE they asked me what she looked like in my mind (with an actress comparison) since I have said character designed down to the B-W-H measurements in my mind. I am hesitant to give my opinion since I rather like hearing the different visual thoughts that they have. :3

Helen Fangirl

Yes, I know that makes almost no sense to anyone that might possibly read this, but oh well!

Helen is a character in the book I am writing and will possibly be one of the most over-looked characters. At best, people will recognize her as only a supporting character which does bring me a twinge of sadness, but she is so much more to me!

Oh Helen, scary Helen, perhaps I shall write a short story for you someday that will bring you to contentment!

Edit: I also officially have my first car in the book~

Winter Storm Ramble

Last night was a good night for me writing wise. I got to ramble and bounce ideas off of "Nee-chan" (who is actually one of my best friends and surrogate little sister. lol It's a lame but sweet story for why everyone calls her that so it's probably better off not told xD).

Which also reminds me and makes me sad, she's getting married on New Years Day and I can't be there. =^;_;^= Silly living on the other side of the country!

Anyway, so I got to ramble at her for a good 2-3 hours which really lightened my mood. It was nice to have feed back on all of the work and thought that I have so far put into the setting of what I am working on (as well as all of the character concepts I have -- even the partial ones). Later we had fun doing name searches and trying not to laugh at people with very unfortunate meaning names.

So far, three names that I will never name ANYTHING unless they are places or animals that too aptly fit the names:

1. Beverly : BEV-er-lee : anglo-saxon "beaver meadow"
2. Capri : KAH-pree or kuh-PREE : anglo-saxon "the goat"
3. Damaris : DAH-mar-is : greek "heifer"

Steve is still out sick today with some stomach bug, so Kim and I are trying to come up with a plan to keep him quarantined to his office when he returns. Kim is lucky and got to leave early today because it is her son's birthday and they are going to Portland despite the horrendous storm coming into town. I had to shoo her out the door after lunch though so that she could take off before it really hit and now I am all by my lonesome with a years worth of receipts to go through and this months tenant filing (I really wish that they wouldn't give me all of the filing all at once, it becomes an all day project when they do that =^>.<^= ).

Oh well, at least I have something to do!

As things are right now, I am hoping that the power manages to stay on. It has been flickering on and off since 10:00am today. I don't know how the weather looks higher up on the hill, but so far down here on the river front, it has been almost non-stop pouring rain or sleet with very heavy wind. The wind is so strong that it actually blew one of our 50+lb potted plants into the street... I did not have fun going to chase that down. Well, that's not true. It was very entertaining for me to chase a plant that was rolling down the street. Returning it to the office was the far less than fun part! So, since that happened I had to move all of the plants inside the empty office next door. lol I probably should have asked to take a few minutes and move my car closer to the office too. =/ Oh well, a lot of sleet, rain and 70mph wind gusts never hurt anyone, right? *rolls eyes*

Honestly, what I worry about the most right now is that the storm is hitting now, it will knock out power to the area like last years storm did and then the snow will hit so people are going to be freezing... and our fire place doesn't work well due to a broken flue (is that even how it is spelled?) and something on the top of our chimney which is facing the wrong way and causes the wind to blow the smoke back DOWN the chimney into our house. lol

Ok, ok, I'll stop complaining. After all, Jes and Paul are coming down this weekend! So no matter what there is bound to be fun, even if we ARE freezing!

**UPDATE** Kim just called and said that she has to drive all the way to Longview to use the bridge there to get home due to waves crashing over the 101 bridge from OR to WA. :( Poor Kim, I hope she makes it home all right tonight.